My New Year's Resolution

When I was a Private in Basic Training, the Drill Sergeants spoke of a new Army retirement program that acted similar to a 401k. The Thrift Savings Plan (TSP) was just one of the many ways the Army had been modernizing; it was an improved, attractive, and convenient method for soldiers to plan for retirement, and this, according to the Drill Sergeants, was one way in which the Army “took care of its own” that you wouldn’t find in the “dog eat dog” real world.

All of the information was available for soldiers to research. There were several individual plans soldiers could put their money in, but the Army knew most of its soldiers who acted would likely skip the small print. More conveniently, online access allowed soldiers to specify a percentage of their modest salary that would be directly deposited, before taxes, into their new accounts. The process was so simple, and even managed to avoid unit PAC’s and S1, that at least in my case, no issue ever arose.

As soon as I completed my Basic and Advanced Individual Training, I researched the TSP online, and enrolled. In High School, I learned that a responsible individual in his young 20’s could save well over $2 million dollars for retirement if he had set aside a portion of his salary. This was starkly contrasted by the same financial numbers of one who had begun saving and investing in their 30’s, a difference of over $1 million dollars. I’m sure these numbers may be different now, but I was aware of the idea then, and it was something I took seriously.

Mrs. 13 and I had just bought our first new home. I was 21, and she was close to turning 20.  At the time, my salary was $1356 a month, while Mrs. 13 made $1238. We each received slightly more than $200 for food (Basic Allowance Sustenance), but I also received $600’ish for housing (Basic Allowance Housing). With a mortgage payment at half my salary, plus all of our basic bills, and tripling our minimum credit card payment, we scrounged to afford my paying 6% of my before taxes salary into the TSP.

Trying to be responsible for the future is not easy in the present, and I could have easily spent the money on alcohol, video games, my car, or other mindless ways of dumping cash into the trash. But I persevered, and watched the quarterly gains for 4.5 years. My account grew at a rate better than the ideal 8%. Whether that could hold for 40 years was beyond me, but the aggressive path with which I started my investment was fun to watch in the short term, and it allowed me to feel in control and as if I was doing the right thing.

But, I knew from the start that I would not be staying in the Army for 20+ years, and would have to rollover that account into whichever accredited retirement savings I specified when I got out of the Army.

The process looked easy enough, and in the Spring/Summer of 2007, I filled out the TSPU 70 paperwork, gave it to my credit union, and opened an IRA. The paperwork was sent to the TSP requesting for a full withdrawal, which would be paid to the Credit Union and deposited into my new IRA. While it may not be a lot of money, I am proud to say that in 4+ years, I worked my ass off, and lived less comfortably while contributing 6-10% of my salary every month to the TSP, and walked away with just over $7,000.

Unfortunately, the paperwork was denied, and a letter was addressed to me that I had more than 5 errors to fix. A few months later, I tried again, this time sitting down with the retirement services guy at my credit union, and had the forms notarized, making sure to fill out all the information. Then, the Credit Union mailed out the forms to the TSP for the full withdrawal. A month later, or more, I again received the same letter alerting me that there were more than 5 errors and the withdrawal could not be completed.

By this point, I was beyond frustrated, and buried the paperwork at the bottom of a stack of papers, forgetting about the whole thing. Afterall, the account was in great standing and continued to make gains, though, since I was no longer in the Army, I was no longer allowed to contribute to it.

In May of 2008, a new retirement services representative contacted me about the status of the paperwork, and I mentioned the previous history. The girl on the phone was looking at the returned documents and wondering what went wrong. Her guess was as good as mine, and I agreed to come back in and work on resubmitting the papers. This time, finally, I felt great about it. We followed every step, and crossed every T and dotted every I. This thing was solid, and I felt refreshed about the possibility of finally having control over those funds and being able to again contribute to it.

Of course, the TSP was not ready to actually release those funds, and wouldn’t you know it—they sent me another stupid, fucking, letter saying that I had more than 5 errors, but were kind enough to only tell me there were errors, and not what those errors were.

What were the errors?? Who knows… if they told me, I would have been able to fix the mistakes and the money would have been withdrawn. Somehow, I just don’t think that Uncle Sam wants me to have that money. They want it to sit there, teasing me. And know what else? That same account dropped down to $3900 last month.

This is my fucking New Years resolution. This piece of shit that all the Drill Sergeants were yapping about how great it was is now my problem. For over a year, I have been trying to simply roll it over into a new account with my new institution. I called the TSP on the phone and received verbal instructions on every single item that needs to be filled out. It basically looks like the others I have already submitted, but I’m not giving in this time. No, I’m done letting the Army pound me where I don’t want to be pounded.

Today, I went back and filled that bitch out, and again had it notarized. I have all the signatures, all the numbers, all the percentages, and every block and check filled out as the lady from TSP said. The writing is clear and easy to read. There are no spelling mistakes, and every T and I are as they ought to be. I’m supposed to allow 7-10 days for the TSP to receive the papers. After another 2, I am supposed to call to see if they have received it. Then, I am to allow another 7-10 days for processing, and another 7-10 for the confirmation to be mailed. And if it doesn’t work this time, and I lose more money, and if they fail to show me what my mistakes are, then I am simply going to sue. Fuck them.